Rudeness and the Teen: Strategies For Parents
Jun 22, 2007
The average teen can be rebellious, sullen, moody and mouthy. If you have a teenage child, then at one point or another they are going to talk back.
Rather than being resigned to a life of rudeness, parents should arm themselves with some strategies for open and respectful communication.
Anthony E. Wolf author of Get Out Of My Life, But First Could You Drive Me and Cheryl To The Mall?: A Parent’s Guide to the New Teenager, offers these tips:
- Disengage, don’t lecture. When the backtalk is just rude, or hurtful, simply disengage from your teen and do not respond. When you ignore harsh backtalk, kids will learn to tone it down and be more respectful if they want any sort of response from you.
- Water off a duck’s back. Don’t let your teen’s tone rattle you. Simply repeat your request in a calmer tone to teach your teen to respond in a more respectful manner.
- Show that you are flexible. Listen to your teen’s point of view, and on occasion change your mind about the ground rules.
- Put it in context: Differentiate between backtalk at home and backtalk in society. Remember that teenagers are developing their identities. When they back talk at home it’s about testing the boundaries of self-expression. If they back talk to teachers, your friends, or to other parents then it’s rude.
It may seem that your teen is out of hand talking back and asserting their needs, but your teen is actually just developing the skills they need to be assertive and stand up for what they believe in later on. Your job is to make sure that they can accomplish this and still be respectful to others, and to you.
Read more Teens talking back? Just ignore them
Comments(11)
Find this article online at: www.oxfordlearning.com/letstalk/2007/jun/22/rudeness-and-the-teen/
jane bumbler - Feb 22, 2008
this is a great article and it MAKES SOOOOOO MUCH SENSE !
thanks.
thanks.
thanks.
Margret - Sep 7, 2008
Complete rubbish.
Ana - Oct 19, 2008
People seem to be afraid of their kids and let them get away with everything. This is not preparing them for real life and is doing them no favours.
kc - Oct 25, 2008
There are times, however, when you have done everything you think is right and still nothing works. It is frustrating to do all these things and still have a defiant, rude teen. You have to know when it's time to get outside help.
LORI - Dec 8, 2008
I HAVE A 17 YR OLD BOY WHO IS RUDE AND MOUTHY.. ITS SO FRUSTRATING TO EVEN TRY TO HAVE A CONVERSATION.... SO I FOUND NOT TO TRY.. I MISS OUR TALKS BUT AFTER GOING THROUGH THIS WITH 4 OTHERS YOU WOULD THINK I WOULD BE USE TO IT. BUT NO.. IT HURTS EVERY TIME!!!! TIME HELPS ...
Stera - Apr 16, 2009
It is embarrassing to see the teen behaving rude and careless in most of the cases. But being a responsible parent, one must help their teens with proper guidance and counseling activities to make them understand the consequences of rude behavior. Parents should take professional help with sharing their views in teens discussions, so that they can gain more related information about various teens issues.
http://www.troubledteensguide.com/parnet...
MIA - Aug 2, 2009
YES parents think they are always right n when we try to say what we think n what we want they confuse that with talking back! So fustrating!!!
Frustrated - Aug 10, 2009
People are seriously afraid of their children! Yes, I agree that some teens may respond to the calm talk and understanding of wrong doing, but the other half of the teens (the way they are this day and age) have no respect for adults or athority. My husband and I were recentlly married. He has a 14 yo daughter and I have a 4 yo daughter. The 14 yo believes it's ok for her to talk to her dad the way his ex-wife would talk to him and it is completely unacceptable!! I am trying to teach her respect for others, respect for herself, dignity, morals & values no of which she gets from her mom. What happened to good old-school discipline?? I have a very long road ahead of me, but I'll be d@mned if I'm going to have a calm sit-down conversation if this behavior continues. We have a 4 yo the looks at her as a role model and I won't have her thinking this behavior is ok. There will be respect in our home!
random person - Dec 13, 2009
Honestly, Frustrated, disciplining your fourteen year old will only induce resentment and you will lose respect in her eyes. It is very hard to adjust to a new person in your life, especially a dominant one. She should understand that you are on her side, otherwise she may completely turn against you and her fater for marrying you.
harmed sister - Jan 4, 2010
my sister talks back all the time an she goes on and on even when were not in the same room & i dont know what to do.
Cynthia King - Jan 18, 2010
Talking back, mouthing, etc at home isn't rude or disrespectful? Huh?! With "experts"/writers like you no wonder our society's youth are so out of control and unsociable.
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